but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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