I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
