mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize