i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's never too late to be topless.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
