i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
