i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
