it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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