12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
