My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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