Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
