Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
