ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

  Fav 10 7764 1205

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

  Fav 10 2581 1951

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"

  Fav 9 1620 3269

  share tweet
  

• (648): View more from

  Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.

  Fav 5 1503 822

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (949): View more from California

  Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke

  Fav 2 812 1120

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"

  Fav 3 1584 810

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

  Fav 4 1562 918

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?

  Fav 3 1285 601

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation

  Fav 0 732 451

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop

  Fav 2 834 428

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm high. ignore me

  Fav 1 866 369

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.

  Fav 1 517 216

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4

  Fav 0 386 195

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.

  Fav 3 130 24

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering

  Fav 2 61 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize