Texts From Last Night

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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

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  (307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian. http://tfl.nu/fuqa
  Replies (46) Good night (4478) Bad night (1156)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

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  (210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper. http://tfl.nu/rcv4
  Replies (76) Good night (4783) Bad night (1970)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.

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  (304): I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great. http://tfl.nu/mw4a
  Replies (11) Good night (4370) Bad night (575)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack

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  (203): you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack http://tfl.nu/hvnz
  Replies (6) Good night (3165) Bad night (1012)
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  (858): View more from California

  the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

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  (858): the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus. http://tfl.nu/isnl
  Replies (5) Good night (3436) Bad night (1023)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.

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  (502): Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore. http://tfl.nu/k6j5
  Replies (3) Good night (1988) Bad night (877)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.

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  (804): My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her. http://tfl.nu/xqm6
  Replies (7) Good night (4943) Bad night (710)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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  (218): just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high. http://tfl.nu/mss3
  Replies (23) Good night (2434) Bad night (1080)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  why is my forehead so bruised?

  (1+61): View more from

  i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.

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  (+61): why is my forehead so bruised? (1+61): i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms. http://tfl.nu/t9yj
  Replies (6) Good night (2328) Bad night (688)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.

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  (647): That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night. http://tfl.nu/q0pz
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (471)
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  (909): View more from California

  Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"

  (951): View more from California

  That's just where I'm at in my life.

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  (909): Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!" (951): That's just where I'm at in my life. http://tfl.nu/gh6a
  Replies (10) Good night (1593) Bad night (947)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

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  (240): This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn. http://tfl.nu/cv1s
  Replies (3) Good night (331) Bad night (581)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.

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  (847): So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real (847): Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone. http://tfl.nu/mou5
  Replies (3) Good night (513) Bad night (255)
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  (831): View more from California

  So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great

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  (831): So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great http://tfl.nu/lton
  Replies (1) Good night (237) Bad night (665)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.

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  (432): I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling. http://tfl.nu/803g
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (484)

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