I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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