my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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