when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
