she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
