It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
