found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
