i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
