I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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