we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
