I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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