I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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