butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
