I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
