All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
