If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
