I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
