a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
