oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
