There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were destined to go to rehab together
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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