He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
