ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
