ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
