Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
