Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
