i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize