can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
