my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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