I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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