You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
