Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
