Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
