I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As shirtless as possible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
