just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
