I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
