Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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