Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
