those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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