he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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