all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
