i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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