Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
