No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
