Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You may now shotgun with the bride
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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