grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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