she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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