if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's great music for shaving your balls
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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