My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
