so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
