I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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