That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
