i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
