i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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