Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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