Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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