Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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