the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
