...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
