I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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