I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
