If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
