Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
