Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
