matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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