just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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