There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
