I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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