Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
