I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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